Have you ever seen the meme with the three Spidermen? I can feel some of you clicking away but STAY WITH ME!
So, through this change going on within and without, I’ve been looking for someone to blame. I’ve been looking for the person or persons holding me back from who I want to be. And I’m not talking about the crushing weight of capitalism or the ever-presence of white supremacy. Those girls are a no-brainer, right?
I’d been looking for the folx telling me I couldn’t be my full self. Like an angry mob of nay-sayers , looking for their due. Always behind me and knocking down my blocks. And then I turned around and, among the faces of that mob….was me.
GIRL!!! It was ME!!
I had to realize that I was to blame just as much as any other system because I had joined the system. It’s a bit of a mind game to realize that you’ve been building walls around yourself and forgetting the doors on purpose!
Girl What?? Where is this on the Bingo Card?
I’ve been doing an inventory of the parts of me that don’t always serve (CVNT or otherwise) and I’ve realized that the problem was, in part, with how I saw myself and my dreams as just that, Dreams. As figments that could never live fully in reality. I wasn’t prepared for the notion that I could be anything but a part in another’s story.
But I’m a lot of woman, honey. I don’t fit in most standard chairs, much less someone else’s ideas and visions. So I said to my self:
“Turn me Loose”
-SC